Thursday, December 29, 2011

Prediction Time

Even though nobody asked...again, here are my thoughts on what the final year of man's reign on Earth might look like.

  1. Rose Bowl score is 64-58 after both defensive teams fail to report to the field after halftime. No matter what the line is, be sure to take the Over.

  2. Obama, the President who got bin Laden, who got the troops out of Iraq, who finally got a healthcare deal made, will be vilified by the GOP while they try to defend Sheriff Joe.

  3. Justice Prosser will remain ill-tempered and violence prone, but critics will notice more semi-colons in his written work.

  4. Ryan Braun will sit for 50 after testing positive for elevated testosterone levels. Braun blames a Chuck Norris marathon on Spike for the results.

  5. City, County, and Village clerks across the state will take to strong drink as they try to sort through the steaming mess that WisGOP dumped on their plates during the 18 months of unpleasantness that was the Walker "administration."

  6. No new mine in Wisconsin. In other DNR news, Cathy Stepp announces new Wisconsin hunting seasons for mountain lions, grey wolves, unicorns, heffalumps and peek-a-poos. "I hate them little dogs," she says.

  7. Charlie Sheen's big news for 2012? Nuffin, but thanks for askin'.

  8. The GOP will dither and futz until late in the primary season before choosing a Trump/Fred Thompson ticket. The grown-ups at the convention will nominate Willard, who will then lose by 6 in November.

  9. Your new iPhone? Obsolete by the first of March. What the hell is 5G, anyway?

  10. Big Fitz and Jauch are safe in their seats. Why use up the effort?

  11. On the 40th day after the Super Bowl Aaron Rodgers will ascend into Paradise, TX. Expect him back in DePere in July. Thoughts of Brett fade like the picture of McFly's Mom.

  12. The Cubs will be emotionally eliminated from contention in July.

  13. Pompadour Paul Ryan will get his 19th consecutive Rising Young Star award after doing nothing but chatter for another two-year term. Just one more and he gets to be named to the Grizzled Crank Team.

  14. Some 15-year-old you never heard of will have a hit song you can't listen to from a movie that's incomprehensible to you and based on a book you wouldn't read in a million, jillion years. You might as well get used to this. It's gonna happen a lot.

  15. Even though the NBA season started way back on Christmas Day, the Bucks are not out of playoff contention until nearly Lincoln's Birthday.

  16. Mark Pocan wins a narrow primary victory and a trip to Washington. Tammy Baldwin gets ready to move over to the big office after steam-rolling Fitz the Lesser..

  17. After losing his quixotic battle for a Senate leadership spot Ron "Senator" Johnson is assigned by Mitch McConnell to lead the new Senate Regional Office in Kansas City. Johnson will be in charge of laundry and morale during his four year term there.

  18. Bucky goes to the dance in March but falls maddeningly short.

  19. Stephanie Klett will continue to run the Tourism department in Madison without making any negative headlines. For this, the Walker team will have no gratitude at all.

  20. Recall, Baby!

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