'The Dope Fairy'
City Councilman James Bond of Atlanta
Years ago in Atlanta there was a City Councilman named James Bond. This was NOT 007. That was James IQ, unfortunately enough.
More unfortunately enough however, somebody broke into James' car and ripped out his stereo and Atlanta Police investigated. Lo and behold, what did they find? Nine of 'em! Left handed Luckies, ladies and Gentlemen. Somebody in there smokin 'em! One of 'em in there freshly rolled right in the back seat.
So I placed a call into APD HQ, "Chief? Lewis Grrizzard, Atlanta Journal Constitution. When are you going to press charges against Councilman Bond for Felony Possession of Marijuana?"
Chief said, "We are not going to do that."
I said "What? Well who's in there smokin that dope?"
"We say the thief was!"
"The thief???? This is a rookie job. First time offender. Never pulled a job like this in his life. How longis it gonna take to rip out a car stereo. Half hour? 45 minutes? Do you think this guy has time to smoke nine joints in 30 to 45 minutes and then rip out Councilman Bond's car stereo and then have the physical strength to leave the scene of the crime? Did he leave a joint in the back seat for the next thief? What is going on here?"
Now you see my dilemma. "Well if it wasn't councilman Bond, Chief, or the thief, there is only one other explanation. The Dope Fairy."
What kind of town is Atlanta? 25,000 calls came into WSB the next day 'Where is that dope fairy? I wanna talk to him!'
(Lewis Grizzard) (A Great American)
h/t James Wigderson