Wednesday, December 16, 2009

And The Grinch's Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

Tracy is right. If this doesn't bring a tear to your eye then you are a hard one, indeed. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Guerilla Handbell Strikeforce.

Thanks, Tracy

Predictions (How Did He Do In '09?)

Everybody does a prediction list. Here's a few of mine for O-Nine. Let's check the record. This list published 12/30/08

Jeff Wood will find out what the real meaning of "Independent" is. He and Joe Lieberman will form a club that gets together to throw stones at pictures of John McCain and Mark Pocan. He'll not be resigning.
Both Wood and Lieberman are feeling the lonesome right now but Wood is steadfastly doing the wrong thing so, call it 50/50.

Mexico will be declared a "Failed State" and the State Department will issue travel warnings to American tourists to avoid Guadalajara and Nuevo Laredo.
I missed this one but only on a technicality. I guess the President doesn't have to be able to speak Spanish to do good things along the border. 0%

Brett Favre plays another season starting in August after waffling for 4 months.
He signed the contract on 8/16. 100%

Colin Farrel's eyebrows will get a three picture deal of their own. At the conclusion of the third film it will be learned that the right eyebrow really wants to direct.
Too soon to tell. Farrell did 4 films in 2009 and I bet you can't name one of them. Might as well be true but 0%

Norm Coleman gets to trial before Blagojevich, neither in 2009.
Not wrong, not yet. No trials for either one and Coleman is looking bullet-proof on the DMT charges. I heard he's talking with Jethro Tull about getting back with the band on the road.

Scott Walker starts runnning for Governor. Again. No one in Barron, Pepin or Iron Counties knows who he is. Again.
96% Of course he's running again. He's a career politician. But now there's a guy up in Mercer who got an email from his brother-in-law in Pewaukee about Scott. The guy in Mercer still thinks he's a utility infielder for the Brew Crew.

No Triple Crown winner this year, either.
Some of these just aren't that tough. 100%

Newsbuster's #1 story of 2009? President Obama's Selective Service record. Debbie Schlussel stakes her credibility on the story. The ghost of Jessica Savitch can be heard laughing if you stand really still.
It's always hard to tell with NB but it looks as if the big story is, Science Is Hard. 0%

Hollywood will be stunned by the death of a young star in a traffic accident. Drugs will be involved. Everyone will say they saw it coming.
I've got two weeks but it's not looking good. 0%

Barbara Lawton gets a Golden Ticket to Washington. And you thought Doyle was just asking for money.
Wow! Almost as wrong as Jerry Bader 0%

Bob Sanders and Mike Stock will join the job market right after New Year's Day.
Sanders and 5 more on 1/5. Stock retired on 1/17. Call that 100%

A new basic cable TV franchise will start starring a 15 year-old serial killer named Hannibal Montana. Roger Ebert will love it. Siskel? Not so much.
Not a worse premise than Accidentally, On Purpose but wrong

Rose Fernandez will run a campaign steeped in ACM money. WEAC spends so much on ads against her that they are only a minor player in the SCoW race.
I'm thinking that this was close enough to call my way.

Brewers? 83-79.
80-82 Missed it by a homestand. 96.4%

In 2009 we will not see an effort to reinstate the Fairness Doctrine or the The Assault Weapons Ban at the Federal level. That won't stop the incessant drumbeats.
Like I said, almost too easy. 100%

A minor scandal breaks out when it's discovered that American Idol has been using the same twelve contestants for the last four years and no one has noticed. It turns out that David Archuletta was just Taylor Hicks with the hair color out.
Prove I'm wrong. I dare you.

Fred Thompson's radio show has a shorter run than The Texas Wheelers when Grampy just can't be bothered to do two hours a day. Mike Huckabee's show will rattle around on the ABC schedule without reaching a single listener until April. When it does find an audience it will fail.
I was wrong about Grampy. He's plugging along with a couple hundred AM stations and you can follow him on Twitter. As for Huck; I'm just sorry I missed the episode where he jammed with Danny Aiello's band. 0%

Supreme Court Justice Gabelman wins his case that confirms his right to make stuff up in campaign commercials regardless of the facts. He wins a major year-end award from a Burlington civic group.
Sadly, 100%

Madonna gets new boy toys in January, March, June, July and October. Oprah and Steadman don't tie the knot.
My little clicker-counter is busted but I'm call it confirmed.

Abrahamson retains her seat by 52-48.
The Badger Herald called it 60-40. Koschnick was an even bigger hump than we thought

The number of bloggers falls just as the GOP makes up their mind to start putting them to good use. Sean Hackbarth gets to pop each of them on the back of the head and call them, "Dummy." Just once.
I hope this was true. The GOP New Media campaign has been very very amusing this year.

Well, what did you think was going to happen?
I'm calling it 12/20 with a split on the embarrassment that is Jeff Wood. 60% ain't that bad. Predictions for 2010 will be out soon.

They're So Cute When They're Literary

Bachmann forgets her history at Code Red rally and calls for the kind of concerted effort that lost the Battle at Balaclava.

What did the French Marshal Pierre Bosquet have to say about the slaughter he had just witnessed?

"C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre. C'est de la folie"

("It is magnificent, but it is not war. it is madness.") That sums up Bachmann's efforts nicely.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldier knew

Someone had blunder'd:

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Movie Faves

What are your favorite Christmas movies; not necessarily the best or most heartwarming, but the ones you love to watch?

I offer these in no particular order.

A Christmas Story
Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal
preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner
flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the
other hand...
It's Christmas Eve. It's-it's the one night of the year when we all act a
little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little
more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we
always hoped we would be.

Love, Actually
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the
arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that
we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me
that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy,
but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and
wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin
Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were
messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for
it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.

Mr Magoo's Christmas Carol
Ringle, ringle, coins when they jingle, make such a lovely sound. Give them
away and nobody can rob you.

Carol For Another Christmas
Each behind his own fence! Each behind his own barricade! Follow me,
my friends and loved ones, to the perfect society! The Civilization of ‘I’!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Irony May Not Be Dead, After All

This morning I was working through the readings for my Ethics class which differentiate the seven forms of Distributive Justice when it came to me that I was sitting next to the Christmas Tree.
What a wonderful little moment.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

God, I Miss Lewis Grizzard (With thanks to Wiggy for reminding me)

'The Dope Fairy'
City Councilman James Bond of Atlanta

Years ago in Atlanta there was a City Councilman named James Bond. This was NOT 007. That was James IQ, unfortunately enough.

More unfortunately enough however, somebody broke into James' car and ripped out his stereo and Atlanta Police investigated. Lo and behold, what did they find? Nine of 'em! Left handed Luckies, ladies and Gentlemen. Somebody in there smokin 'em! One of 'em in there freshly rolled right in the back seat.
So I placed a call into APD HQ, "Chief? Lewis Grrizzard, Atlanta Journal Constitution. When are you going to press charges against Councilman Bond for Felony Possession of Marijuana?"

Chief said, "We are not going to do that."

I said "What? Well who's in there smokin that dope?"

"We say the thief was!"

"The thief???? This is a rookie job. First time offender. Never pulled a job like this in his life. How longis it gonna take to rip out a car stereo. Half hour? 45 minutes? Do you think this guy has time to smoke nine joints in 30 to 45 minutes and then rip out Councilman Bond's car stereo and then have the physical strength to leave the scene of the crime? Did he leave a joint in the back seat for the next thief? What is going on here?"

Now you see my dilemma. "Well if it wasn't councilman Bond, Chief, or the thief, there is only one other explanation. The Dope Fairy."

What kind of town is Atlanta? 25,000 calls came into WSB the next day 'Where is that dope fairy? I wanna talk to him!'

(Lewis Grizzard) (A Great American)

h/t James Wigderson

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Things Change

Remember when getting driving advice from John Daly was something good?

Remember when hacked emails were a cause for an uproar?