Thursday, December 29, 2011

Prediction Time

Even though nobody asked...again, here are my thoughts on what the final year of man's reign on Earth might look like.

  1. Rose Bowl score is 64-58 after both defensive teams fail to report to the field after halftime. No matter what the line is, be sure to take the Over.

  2. Obama, the President who got bin Laden, who got the troops out of Iraq, who finally got a healthcare deal made, will be vilified by the GOP while they try to defend Sheriff Joe.

  3. Justice Prosser will remain ill-tempered and violence prone, but critics will notice more semi-colons in his written work.

  4. Ryan Braun will sit for 50 after testing positive for elevated testosterone levels. Braun blames a Chuck Norris marathon on Spike for the results.

  5. City, County, and Village clerks across the state will take to strong drink as they try to sort through the steaming mess that WisGOP dumped on their plates during the 18 months of unpleasantness that was the Walker "administration."

  6. No new mine in Wisconsin. In other DNR news, Cathy Stepp announces new Wisconsin hunting seasons for mountain lions, grey wolves, unicorns, heffalumps and peek-a-poos. "I hate them little dogs," she says.

  7. Charlie Sheen's big news for 2012? Nuffin, but thanks for askin'.

  8. The GOP will dither and futz until late in the primary season before choosing a Trump/Fred Thompson ticket. The grown-ups at the convention will nominate Willard, who will then lose by 6 in November.

  9. Your new iPhone? Obsolete by the first of March. What the hell is 5G, anyway?

  10. Big Fitz and Jauch are safe in their seats. Why use up the effort?

  11. On the 40th day after the Super Bowl Aaron Rodgers will ascend into Paradise, TX. Expect him back in DePere in July. Thoughts of Brett fade like the picture of McFly's Mom.

  12. The Cubs will be emotionally eliminated from contention in July.

  13. Pompadour Paul Ryan will get his 19th consecutive Rising Young Star award after doing nothing but chatter for another two-year term. Just one more and he gets to be named to the Grizzled Crank Team.

  14. Some 15-year-old you never heard of will have a hit song you can't listen to from a movie that's incomprehensible to you and based on a book you wouldn't read in a million, jillion years. You might as well get used to this. It's gonna happen a lot.

  15. Even though the NBA season started way back on Christmas Day, the Bucks are not out of playoff contention until nearly Lincoln's Birthday.

  16. Mark Pocan wins a narrow primary victory and a trip to Washington. Tammy Baldwin gets ready to move over to the big office after steam-rolling Fitz the Lesser..

  17. After losing his quixotic battle for a Senate leadership spot Ron "Senator" Johnson is assigned by Mitch McConnell to lead the new Senate Regional Office in Kansas City. Johnson will be in charge of laundry and morale during his four year term there.

  18. Bucky goes to the dance in March but falls maddeningly short.

  19. Stephanie Klett will continue to run the Tourism department in Madison without making any negative headlines. For this, the Walker team will have no gratitude at all.

  20. Recall, Baby!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Breaking News: Walker Admits To Telling the Truth

But says it was "Stupid." Vows to never tell the truth again.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Scooter's Present Arrives Late On a Friday

Who's surprised that it's bad news?

It's not working, kids. You can't cut your way to prosperity.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

See? There's Your Problem Right There

So, he only wanted to pay for his defense if he could get the taxpayers to cover his sad fanny. That's pretty much the definition of "ethically-challenged."

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Anything That Swirls Around the Drain Winds Up In the Walker Administration

The star of the Bush/Rove PowerPoint scandal winds up charging Wisconsinites for their first amendment rights just about the same time Walker Tosa Ranger hires Sharron Angle's old spox as his media guru.

Somebody should tell him that it's not really fodder for a conspiracy theory if we can see it happening in the open.


Brace yourself for Son of Budget Repair Bill.

Turns out that all of Walker's rosy projections were based on meeting his impossible goals. Now that he's driven Wisconsin to the bottom, he has no choice but to start another round of cuts as soon as there's nobody collecting signatures.

Even a rookie con man knows better than to believe his own patter.

"I always think there's a band, Kid."--Professor Harold Hill