"Clue" Accusations 2012

BY DAVID HART via McSweeney's. Have you had your McSweeney's today?

Colonel Mustard,

identity theft,

Ukrainian server room

Miss Scarlet,

catastrophic hurricane damage,

Manhattan shoreline

Professor Plum,

character assassination by trolling,

hyperblogosphere

Mr. Green,

water-rationing-card devaluation,

Texas

"Mrs." White,

sexual-reassignment surgery,

San Francisco

Mrs. Peacock,

Mayan-calendar expiration,

fourth dimension