Sunday, November 19, 2006

Conspiracy Theory At Its Finest

Jessica McBride makes the airtight case for a serial killer at work. Among the irrefutable pieces of evidence linking the drowning deaths.
Last seen out drinking with friends or at a party
(and coincidentally...)
Were under the influence of alcohol
(proximity is key in her argument)
Lived in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana or Chicago the area surrounding
Lake Michigan
(That narrows it down to less than 10% of the land mass of America)
Became separated from the friends with whom they started the evening
(Um, Jess, that's a symptom of drowning, not a cause)
All disappeared between the hours of 10 PM and 4 AM
(Timing is everything. Very few college drunks show up at 9:15 in the morning)
All disappeared between the months of September and April
(Or when class isn't in session)
The closed cases were all determined to be accidental drowning or possible
(Because of...wait for it) Many of those found drowned were found in the Mississippi River, Red Cedar River or Lake Michigan ("And the reason we can tell it was murder?" you ask.)
Victim's body, if found, had no signs of strangulation - gunshot - stab or other
obvious sign of murder
(Using the powers of Bucher-reasoning, Jess determines a likely common factor)
Were reported missing by friends or family
(That clinches it for me, Jess. It must be the work of a criminal genius)
You wonder why I bother to make fun of this trash?

McBride sets herself up as a teacher of journalism at UW-M. If this is the heights of her critical thinking skills then her students and employer are being short-changed. Kevin Barrett's theories are no more or less wrong than this pap.

McBride has the bully pulpit of a show on WTMJ. There are people who believe this woman knows something about the topics upon which she speaks. If her other arguments are built on such a faulty foundation as this she shouldn't be able to draw a crowd while standing on a peach box downtown.

McBride and her family have some standing in the community. If this is an indication of the way in which her household builds arguments I'm scared for their children and the people they influence.

This sort of "the sky is falling" mindless causality-seeking has parallels in modern government and politics. It is the breeder of the mind-numbing dread that holds this country in its thrall. We need clear headed leaders of opinion, not conspiracy-fogged parrots telling us to be afraid of the things that make up the fabric of our lives.

This piece would be sad if not for the fact that there are people who read it and agreed that McBride deserved anything other than bully-ragging and derision for having written it. We are all just a little bit worse off for having read it.


Anonymous said...

Coming from a blogger that really has no thoughts or opinions of their own, rather just links to other peoples thoughts and agrees or disagrees with them.

Walton said...

Hmmmm…all of them were college age males who were drunk and died in water that would be cold enough to bring on hypothermia long before you could swim to shore. I am going to make a huge leap and say that this "serial killing" occurs all over the country in river towns and by lakes.

So I guess that makes it a conspiracy of killers than, eh? Maybe Vicki McKenna can chime in as well!

slammer said...

When I played ball for UWO we were told by coaches and Lacrosse staff to be careful if we were to go out and have a "good time" near the river, while the Lacrosse staff never used the word murder, the assumption and discussion among Lacrosse students was to never venture out alone. So there is a true feeling of this in the campus.

While I agree this is more drunk stupid people doing stupid things McBride does not out on a limb that she is the only one that feel this way. I feel though it is kind of the story about the kid someone always knew, that had the roommate, who had a bottle of Ether.

Other Side said...

Coming from a commenter who has no guts, anonymous is pretty lame.

Don't you just love them, grumps?