BY MEREDITH RODKEY AND SCOTT RODKEY via Mc Sweeney's.
Why aren't you reading McSweeney's more often?
There Will Be
Refreshments
A representative on hand to answer your questions
No horseplay
Minor delays
After-holiday sales
An end to this
A brief pause while we transfer your call
Light
No dessert unless you finish your carrots, mister
Consequences
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