Thursday, January 03, 2008

Unified Field Problem Solved

For centuries scientists have looked for the single mechanism which binds all matter. Quantum Mechanics has attempted to meld gravity with electromagnetism to somehow show that there is one force holding the Universe together.

I have had a revelation and await confirmation. After that the prizes and accolades will roll in unbidden.

The Universe is held together by....(drum roll, please)....all of the sweet-and-sour sauce rinsed down the drains of the world. Just think of it. the stickiest substance known to woman being flushed willy-nilly down drains from Xian-Shan to Apalachicola. Every Chinese restaurant gives at least 2x the sauce needed to cover the half-score of pork nuggets in the carton. It's a self-replicating substance which binds everything it touches to everything else.

We one had to send a perfectly good high chair to the landfill after giving sweet-and-sour chicken to a toddler. Her crayons and bib were welded to the tray with no hope of salvation. We were luck to be able to pull her free (baby drool is 30 times more slippery than the sauce is sticky.)


John Foust said...

Are you sure the most stubborn substance is not dried milk mixed with Rice Krispies?

James Wigderson said...

Does this mean MSG is the cause of entropy?