Top Ten Reasons Texas Secession Is Bad Idea

10) Having to listen to Stephen Colbert crow about the Border Patrol station at Colbert, OK North of Denison.

9) Kicking their backsides again will play hob with their self-esteem.

8) Drastic reduction in America's reserves of scrub wasteland and smug exterminators.

7) Pesky parade of big hair trying to jump the fence to get to American beauty products.

6) Listening to Eagles fans whine about having two games a year in a foreign country where none of them speak the language.

5) Shrimp grits becomes exotic foreign food instead of inedible crap.

4) Massive Federal deficit spending on foreign aid every time Galveston gets wiped off the sand bar.

3) Waiting for fire ants and killer bees to cross another international border.

2) Richard Linklater will be insufferable if he finds out he's directing foreign films.

1) It'll be a pain in the ass to invade every time somebody wants take-out brisket from The Salt Lick.

Thanks for the laughs, Tom and Rick.