Thursday, July 13, 2006

Bulwer-Lytton Prizes Awarded

The Bulwer-Lytton Prizes for 2006 have been awarded and the "winner" is Jim Guigli of California for his piece of hard-boiled introduction.
"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small
window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman
whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels
did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick
the shovel clean."
I favored the runner-up, Steve Vasepuru's opening take on a Clint Eastwood classic.
"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor,
"you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' -- and
to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is
English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow
your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel
loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?"

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